Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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