Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
