Soap is not a condiment
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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