I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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