If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
