My room smells like vodka and shame
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
