just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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