better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
