Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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