Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
