im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
