Will you blow on my dice?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
