he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So vagazzling was a success
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