he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
