Kiss
Puke
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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