Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
