u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In America we eat man semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
