As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
