Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
