I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
