if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
