woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize