Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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