i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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