dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
