I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
