Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
