As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
