im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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