we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
