At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
