Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
