How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize