ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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