My hand turned me down
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
