Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You took a bar mat shot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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