all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize