why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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