These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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