Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
