Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
