I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
