Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
