He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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