She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
