At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
false alarm. still invincible.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
