Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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