I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
