So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Found the puke drawer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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