I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
