wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize