If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
