Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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