just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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