I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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