If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
