Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
