When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
