the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
