just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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