If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
